【Cultivation Diary 修煉日記】Fundamental Attachment 根本執著
Yesterday, I suddenly realized that my fundamental attachment may not be with ego, but maybe my attachment to how others, especially how fellow cultivators, look at me.
昨天忽然意識到，原來，我的根本執著，可能並不是自我，而是別人，或者說，是同修對我的看法。
Because of my mother's suppression of me when I was a child, I had always had low self-esteem, an inferior complex, and this was my biggest psychological obstacle before I started practicing Falun Gong.
因爲小時候母親對我的打壓，我一直很自卑，這是我修煉前最大的心理障礙。
After reading "Zhuan Falun", and understanding and accepting that "Zhen(truth, truthfulness) -Shan(compassion, benevolence)-Ren(forbearance, tolerance, endurance, patience) is the sole criterion to discern good and bad people", I was immediately freed from this inferiority complex. The relief and joy I felt at that time were beyond words.
看了《轉法輪》，明白和接受了「真、善、忍是衡量好壞人的唯一標準」的這個理後，我一下子從這種自卑中解脫出來了。當時的輕鬆和歡快，真是無以復加。
However, some recent experiences and my mind activities have made me realize that I still care about what others think, only this time the "others" are fellow practitioners.
然而，最近的一些經歷和思想動態讓我意識到，我依然在在乎別人的看法，只是這次這個「別人」，換成了同修。
Because I believe that Falun Dafa is the truth, I had unknowingly taken the opinions of those who practice Falun Dafa as the standard by which I should be measured. That was why I was so perplexed by what others thought about me.
因爲我相信法輪大法是真理，而不知不覺中，把修煉法輪大法的人的看法，也當作是可以衡量我的標準了，因而才會有思想中的種種負擔與波動。
Seeing through this is another step to transcend my old self.
看穿這點，是又一次超越。
Finally, my heart was grounded, and I no longer had the "resentment" I had felt toward my fellow practitioners in my heart - because when I sought the approval of others, it was inevitable that I would feel resentment and aggression when others did not give it to me.
終於，我的心踏實了下來，也沒有之前在心中對同修的「怨」了——因爲有求於別人的看法和認同，那麼別人沒給予你這些的時候，你難免心中會生出絲絲的怨和委屈。
Fellow practitioners are not Falun Dafa. When I realized this, I felt so ensured, and my heart was so light again.
同修並不是大法。看開了，想透了，心中真踏實、真輕鬆了。
I no longer have pursuit either.
也不再有求了。
Letting go of attachment is the only way to ascend.
放下執著，才有昇華。
And it feels so good.
真好。
12/16/2021 *
Jennifer meditation on Oct. 6, 2020. Photo by Olivia Jingyi, member of Jilin Province Photographers Association of China. 曾錚在打坐，攝於2020年10月6日。攝影：吉林省攝影家協會成員 Olivia Jingyi
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