The Story of My Father（23-24) 我的父親（23-24）
23
In April 2000, I was arrested for the fourth time; and then sent to the Beijing Female Labor Camp with a one-year Re-education through Forced Labor sentence. None of the following was able to prevent this from happening: my father’s "top 10" status, his "1+1=2″ theory, my brilliant halo as a "talented woman from Peking University,” as well as the fact that I once worked for the Development Research Center of the State Council.
我於2000年4月第四次被捕，之後判了一年勞教，送到北京女子勞教所。無論是父親「十大律師」的地位、他的「1+1永遠等於2」理論，還是我的「北大才女」光環、原國務院發展研究中心研究人員身分，都未能阻止這一切的發生。父親讓我學理時，一定以為學理科可以讓我避免重蹈他的覆轍。哪知道「計劃趕不上變化」，煉功修心，也居然招來大禍。
When my father asked me to study science, he believed that studying science would help to prevent me from recommitting the same error he had made. However, he didn’t expect that “plans always fall behind changes,” and that I would end up in jail for practicing meditation and trying to be a better person—not for doing anything political at all.
在勞教所的每一天，我都在目睹或親歷種種慘絕人寰的反人道、反人倫和反人類罪行，在空前慘烈的野蠻摧殘、心靈交戰和意志鏖戰中，無數人無數次的被逼到徹底崩潰的邊緣。
Every day within the labor camp was a battle between life and death. Every day I was either experiencing for myself or witnessing all kinds of the most unimaginable, inhuman, and vicious crimes. Amidst the unprecedented barbarous physical torture, mental destruction, and a war to destroy our willpower, I had been pushed to the edge of total collapse countless times.
在這個邪惡程度甚至超過納粹集中營的地方，每一天都是生與死的交戰。在經歷了九死一生的慘烈後（詳情請見拙作《靜水流深 》），我於2001年4月獲釋。為避免再次被抓到洗腦班，獲釋後我只在家待了五天，便踏上漫漫流亡之路。
However, with a very strong determination to survive so that I could expose all this evil, I did manage to escape the devil’s den by a hair’s breath (Please refer to my autobiography “Witnessing History: One Woman’s Fight for Freedom and Falun Gong" for more details) and was released in April 2001. In order not to be sent to the brainwashing center again, I had only five days later to leave my home and live in exile.
At this stage I learnt that my sister, who was on the national wanted list, was “hiding” and working in a small bar in Chengdu, the capital city of Sichuan Province some 100 kilometers away from Mianyang. As she couldn’t apply for a temporary residence permit with her ID card, she was nearly caught several times when the police went to the bar to check residence permits. It was very dangerous for her to continue to stay there. I decided to find her a safe place so that she could leave as soon as possible.
這時，我了解到，遭通緝的大妹妹「潛伏」在成都一家小酒吧打工，因為不敢出示身分證、不能辦理暫住證，已出過好幾次「險情」。那個小酒吧不能再待下去。我決意幫她逃到更安全、更妥當的所在。
I took the train to Chengdu to meet her. The bar she worked at was extremely small, with her as the only attendant. So she had to do everything alone, from serving the customers to acting as the cashier. Every day she worked until midnight. As she had no other place to stay, she had to wait until all the customers left before she could push the tables and chairs to the corner to make a bed on the floor for her to sleep.
我坐火車來到成都。妹妹打工的小酒吧真是只有巴掌大，而且只有她一個服務員。她每天要忙到深更半夜，等所有客人離開後才能將桌椅挪開，勉強打個地鋪睡在地上。
Under such circumstances, it was impossible for me to stay with her at the bar as well. So we went to a small motel nearby. At this stage, we hadn’t seen each other for more than a year; and there was so much we wanted to share with each other.
這樣的狀況，她當然無法「招待」我。我們只好找了個小旅館住下。一年多沒見，我們有太多的話講，整談了一個通宵，到天亮肚子餓了，想出去買點吃的，一出門就碰到一個人，他看到妹妹後臉色一變，扭頭就走。
We talked for the entire night until dawn. When daylight broke, we both felt very hungry. So we walked out to get some food. At the front door of the motel, we came across a young man. His facial expression abruptly changed as soon as he set sight on my sister. Then he quickly turned back and rushed away.
My sister also recognized him: he was a classmate of my sister from ten years ago, when they were studying at the police academy. And he was currently a police officer in Chengdu city, and obviously knew very well that my sister was on the wanted list with 30K yuan (approximately US$3,600, a sum greater than the average annual income in China at that time) reward money on her head.
這人是妹妹十年前的同學，正在成都當警察，顯然知道公安部懸賞三萬元通緝妹妹之事。
We immediately checked out and left the area. Having nowhere to go, my sister had to return to her bar although we both knew it was very risky. In the meantime, I decided to secretly travel back to Mianyang. I could visit my parents, after having been imprisoned for more than one year, and I could also try to find a place for my sister to go from there. I believed that I could only seek help from a fellow Falun Gong practitioner, as I didn’t think there would be any other people who would take the risk to offer assistance to a “wanted criminal.”
我們馬上退房離開。妹妹無處可去，只能再回小酒吧，我則決定「潛回」距成都兩百多里的綿陽，一來探望父母，二來從那裡幫妹妹聯繫個去處。在當時的情形下，敢於接納「通緝犯」的人不多。我只能在之前認識的功友中「搜尋」。
24
When I saw my parents after only one year’s separation, I was as surprised as I had been in 1998, when I saw the huge change in my father after he practiced Falun Gong. However, this time, the surprise was totally opposite of the one before. It deeply pained my heart.
見到分開才一年多的父母，我像98年夏見到父親時一樣吃驚。只不過，這一次的吃驚是「反方向」的，不是驚喜，而是既驚且痛。
My father had relapsed into a thin, bony, and silent old man. What was more terrifying than the change with his appearance was that, through his gloomy face, I could see that his soul seemed to have withered, without any sign of life. He was no longer the father I saw over a year ago, when his face had glowed with a youthful radiance while proudly boasting that “four out of five members of our family all practice Falun Gong!”
父親再次變成瘦骨嶙峋、沉默無言的老人。比外表的變化更可怕的是，透過他黯淡無光的臉，我看見他的靈魂已萎縮成一小團，像風乾的桔子皮一樣，沒有了任何生命力。一年多前那個神采飛揚，到處驕傲的說「我們家五口人，四口都煉法輪功」的父親，再也看不到了。
He was obviously too scared by the overwhelming propaganda campaign and the suppression and had stopped practicing Falun Gong. He no longer talked about anything related to cultivation, either. He even failed to ask me anything about what had happened to me, how I had suffered in the detention center and the labor camp. Perhaps it was because he dared not ask, or perhaps he was not interested. For an old man whose soul had dried up, it wouldn’t make any difference anyway.
中共來勢凶猛的鎮壓把他嚇壞了。他已停止修煉，不再與我討論任何有關修煉的事，甚至也沒問過一句我在看守所和勞教所的遭遇。也許是他不敢問，也許是他沒興趣問。對於一個靈魂已被風乾的老人，這兩者間又有甚麼區別呢？
I only heard him mumble once, “I am almost 70, and can’t afford any mishaps. What if they confiscate my house? What if they stop paying my retirement pension?”
我只聽他喃喃的念過一句：「我已是快七十的人了，經不起折騰。把我的房子沒收了怎麼辦？不給我發退休工資了怎麼辦？」
As to my mother, I noticed that much of her hair had turned grey. Initially, she always talked about her three beautiful and talented daughters with much pride and excitement. However, now with two of her three daughters having become the enemy of the Party, all her pride and happiness had gone. She also looked like a lifeless plant wilted by the frost.
母親的兩鬢，則增添了許多不曾有過的白髮。以前跟人說起她的三個有才有貌有出息的女兒們，母親的聲調總會立刻提高八度，要多自豪有多自豪。現如今，兩個女兒成了黨的敵人，隨時會淪為階下囚。母親的自豪勁兒，再也提不起來，她也像是被霜打過一樣，整日都蔫蔫的。
（To be continued 待續 ）
My father at his 60th birthday in October, 1993. The wig he wears was a gift from me. 93年10月，父親六十歲生日照。頭上的假髮是我工作後給他買的禮物。他收到後一直戴著。
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